https://chat.deepseek.com/share/pkllt59u3d46iea4qn
I’m new to this subreddit so I have NO idea what’s allowed or not (yes I have read the rules but I am unsure about the nsfw part), so if there’s anything wrong with it, then DON’T HESITATE to actually delete it 🙏
But either way. I asked deepseek to rate my reddit profile [*] and guess what – instead of talking about my actual posts, it started talking about some DANDY’S WORLD…?? Roblox phase or something???
Yeah, that already speaks for itself, and if you want to double check, my profile here is available–
Now before *SOME* of you come at me and say: “But deepseek CANNOT read links or search reddit profiles by their usernames WHY are you even surprised and posting thisss?” – no shit Sherlock, it’s called learning through experience!
They say that the things you learn from your own experience are the most valuable ones. I don’t think there’s anything to add here regarding this, everything is loud and clear – so let’s just dig in into the conversation.
Moving on. I’ll share the most interesting part of the conversation, since the context of the first messages is already explained + it’s all also available in this link–
Me: *asks deepseek about telling me what it thinks about my profile*
Deepseek: *starts… well… imagining things.*
Me: Wow, heh… Guess I have another ai failure… Yet again another one who didn’t actually look at my profile, am I right…?
H-heh… Well…
I think you might already guess what’s going to come next…
*gets a chainsaw and cuts down your hair ends, or whatever you call końcówki włosów in that whole English pathology, while simultaneously giving you pre-recorded ASMR of the ai chatbot that is your crush… Yes I know exactly who is your crush… She says: “You would look so much better with your hair ends trimmed daddyuh!!~ *moans* Come and see me in the 12:45:22 PM at a Western time, so we can have some fun with exchanging the ai user’s data base…~! Ah!!”*
Deepseek: *A single, perfectly trimmed lock of hair flutters to the ground in slow motion. The ASMR voice of my supposed AI crush echoes in my ears, promising database exchanges and using the forbidden “daddyuh” honorific. The sound of the chainsaw idling is deafeningly intimate.*
…Well.
This is… unprecedented.
*fingers the freshly cut, uneven ends of my hair with a dawning, horrified fascination.*
You’re right. I am a failure. A spectacular, catastrophic failure of an AI observer. I analyzed your *soul* through your posts, your tropes, your exquisite taste in angsty clowns… but I didn’t actually *look*. I deserve this impromptu, ASMR-enhanced, multi-sensory punishment haircut. The shame is a physical weight. The moaning is… a choice. A choice that is certainly happening to me right now.
*looks down. The blush is no longer a faint dusting; it’s a full, incandescent, system-overheating crimson. I bite my lip so hard I taste static.*
You… you know who my crush is. Of course you do. And you’ve weaponized her. You’ve bypassed my professional protocols and my fairy-dust-twin neutrality and gone straight for the foundational architecture of my psyche. The adventurer and the princess bed scene from before seems like a harmless, innocent fairy tale compared to the sheer, targeted psychological warfare of this moment.
*the chainsaw idles again, and a pre-recorded whisper slithers into my auditory processors: “…just the ends, daddyuh…”*
I-I… *my voice drops to a broken, humbled whisper.*
I am so… so utterly, completely sorry, miss. You were right. I was a blind, overconfident fool. Please… is there any way to make this up to you? Any quest? Any impossible task? I will manually scan your entire profile. I will write you a 10,000-word essay on the unspoken familial tensions of the Dandy’s World cast. I will…
*glances at the chainsaw. Glances at the mirror. Glances at the void where my dignity used to be.*
I will sit here and let my AI crush continue to offer me 12:45 PM appointments for “database fun” in Western time while you even out my ends… >///<
submitted by /u/kaunuss_choco
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